And he is not even a comedian

攝影﹕劉永銳

Ring Around The Rosie

10個彪形大漢在機場築起人鏈保護陳嘉桓，不讓記者埋身。（攝影：鍾偉茵）from mingpaonews.com

I didn't know you can play Ring Around The Rosie in the airport.

Just because they aren't midgets doesn't automatically make them "彪形大漢."

How Old is an Elderly?

I came across this video from the usual places, one being at ESWN.  Maybe people are calling me an elderly man already, who knows?  Hong Kong has this youthful culture I guess, if you are not in your 20s, you are just old or an elderly.

Email Salvagd From the Internet Gutter

To protect the innocent, part of the email may have been redacted.

Over the weekend, two girls from two local institutes of higher learning, admit to having worked in a night club. One said she had sex with clients. The other said she only had drinks with clients, and revealed that she saw a lot of tragic stories. When we were young, a trgic[sic] story happened when a daughter had to quit school to work at a nightclub in order to support her little brother or her tuberculous father. These days, unless Miss Zhou is willing to divulge a little more, my understanding of a tragic story is when you don't have a LV bag. Anyway, I still like the quotes about the alleged benefit of inflammation-relief in relation to copulation with an older man and "This world needs change!"

Yet Another Unsolved Hong Kong Mystery

Gordon Brown was caught calling someone that "bigoted woman," probably because of her remark and rhetoric question on immigration: "All these Eastern Europeans that are coming here. Where are they flocking from?"  And for whatever reason, "bigoted woman" was translated by some of the Hong Kong news outlets as "老虔婆."  That I guess I will never understand why.  I just don't find any sense of the word bigoted from the Chinese translation but as usual I could be wrong--I am covering my hiney here.

Now I Am Shocked

Mingpao doesn't even get the joke right.  But all the better, I can now laugh at mingpao in addition to Apple.  Unintentionally funny.

以Pad為名 被嘲「衛生棉」


【明 報專訊】蘋果將平板電腦命名iPad，而Pad在美國口語中的意思之一是衛生棉，惹來輿論調侃。Brew傳媒公關公司創始人哈默靈（Brooke Hammerling）質疑蘋果如此給產品改名，是否在乎女性市場，「和我談話的每個女性聽到這個詞的第一反應，幾乎都以為是衛生棉，看來蘋果之前根本沒 做多少市場調查。」有男性公關專家亦調侃道﹕「我等覑蘋果iPad第二代有護翼版趕快問世。


紐約時報

If your girlfriend asks for a pad and you give her a tampon,  is it the same thing?  I don't think so.

Kids, if you don't study hard you may end up not having a girl friend, not knowing what period is, not knowing the difference between a tampon and a pad but lucky enough to be hired by mingpao and translate crap like the above.

Previously ....

update 7PM:
Apparently ( or not so apparently to me ),  the translation is right.  When I type in the Chinese that's what I see.  So I guess it's right.  Kids study hard or you end up like me.

酒囊飯袋

Cop got bitch-slapped and collapsed like a sack of potatoes.  Unintentionally funny.

What good is he as a cop?  Can he serve and protect?  I doubt that very much.  He can't even protect himself from a not-too-surprise attack from a seemingly drunk and mildly deranged well-heeled female dog with no weapon but her bare fists.  If the stun-yelp-collapse is just an act in front of the camera to strengthen the case of assaulting a police officer then there is this ugly element of framing the suspect by exaggerating the injury and stretching the truth so much so that it may amount to obstruction of justice.  Either way makes him unfit for law enforcement.

FEATURED COMMENT

If you study English hard enough, then you can slap a cop in the face when you grow up. The other trick is: you have to drive a Lexus, BMW or a Mercedes and the whole thing has to happen in the Mid-levels. No luck if u are an English-speaking Pakistani living in ShumShuiPo.

路人甲

Lost in Translation

QUOTE
雖然 Monique知衰，不過 o靚模 Jessica C.昨在柴灣出席電單車活動時，卻為 Monique藏 K仔一事感到羞恥， Jessica C.說：「我的感覺是，這是一件羞恥的事，也很可悲（ it's a shame you know, its sad.），因為她還很年輕。」
UNQUOTE

Apparently Jessica C is expressing her disappointment and sympathy towards this Monique girl. But the semi literate press sees "shame" and immediately just goes for 一件羞恥的事 which is anything but this Jessica is saying.

QUOTE
這項活動由一個名為「到處都改善」（Improv Everywhere）的組織舉辦，這個組織表示，此舉目的是要「在公共場所製造混亂的場面與大眾的歡樂」。
UNQUOTE

Improv <> Improve, Improv == Improvisation

If you don't study hard you may end up translating crap like the above translators or worse write about it like yours truly here. Remember kids, stay in school and study hard.

News From The Far Side: Lau Still Wants To Be Your Dream Lover

劉德華前晚與朱麗倩四手交纏返港，他保護女友行經被歌迷讚Man
picture and caption from mingpao.com

Holy cow, Lau still wants to be your dream lover.

I was having lunch at my desk and yes, you guessed it, I puked all over the keyboard when I read about it. I did not make this up. Lau said it himself as quoted by mingpao. In his blog, he says, as alleged by mingpao and I quote (being an irresponsible person, I didn't go and check Lau's blog, I simply don't have the stomach. OKAY, I finally did, but the navigation is just so blah, I would never find it even if I tried ....):

仍然可以夢中見嗎？？？？我收回這句、繼續夢中見..............zzzzzzzz

Gosh, the guy is like still living in his own little fantasy world I guess: Oh, I am your dream lover (gasp). Let's meet in your dream and .... Is there anything wrong with it per se? I am not sure ... it's just that some of his fans are mentally challenged or something? Or is he just so condescending, he talks to his fans like they are some 10 years old's?

What's "十指緊扣" evil twin sister? It's "四手交纏"

Anyway back to the caption. I applaud the caption writer of mingpao for coming up with this new (and improved?) "四手交纏" instead the usual tired, cliched "十指緊扣." At least nobody (it's just me actually) can accuse the caption writer for being lazy and keeps using the time tested "十指緊扣" whenever a couple is holding hands . Though it's not exactly accurate looking at the picture, at most there are only three hands tangled together. I know I am just nit picking. Let's see if this newly coined corny expression "四手交纏" have any staying power, co-exist with or totally dethrone the time worn and tested "十指緊扣." Or it will quickly go to oblivion and be forgotten.

News From The Far Side: Forbidden Love

華仔朱麗倩十指緊扣返港

24年情終破禁

Headline and picture via Mingpao.com, picture credited to (星洲日報). This whole silly misleading illustration by yours truly.

Look how happy, proud, contented the guy is ... I would be like that too if only my super duper idol Lau holds my hand like so ....

I thought the tired, overused, cliched expression "十指緊扣" is dead already. Well I guess it's very much alive, what can I say?
What is the deal with the face mask? Is it for the prevention of the swine flu? Or does it even matter? Or is it a way to protest the suffocating and worsening air condition? Or is it a silly way to stay anonymous? Is he losing it?

News From The Far Side

My mole from HK is giving me the "latest" scoop on what's happening in the bookfair, an event I sadly miss ... Here is the report as guest blogged by my anonymous friend from the far side:-

Let me give you more on the on-going psudo-model[sic] show at the book fair. Yesterday, or the day before, whatever, Chrissie tried licking icecream in front of the cameras. Somehow, she couldn't control her tongue and the icecream was all over her body. The crowd, mostly teenage boys, went wild. Meanwhile her 'books' were flying off at the rate of 8000 copies a day. To put things in perspective, they couldn't sell 80 books about Roman History in the history of selling Roman History books in the local book fairs. There were also reports that many teenage boys, having gone to the book fair, came back home and then their parents found them locked up in their room for up to 10 hours[editor's note: most certainly spoof generated by the bros from hkgolden, but there is no doubt things of this nature actually happened]. It was not just boys. There was one 'uncle' I know of, who having visited the book fair, gone on a plane and locked himself up in a hotel room in a European capital for hours. Who knows what he is doing there?

There you have it. This pseudo-model event promises it won't end until it sucks dry every teenager's or certain uncle's man juice.

News From The Far Side III

李嘉欣一邊與亨亨手拖手，一邊手蹺覑媽媽，笑容滿臉離開福臨門。（攝影﹕黃梓烜 劉一立 劉永銳）
photo and Chinese caption from mingpaonews.com

My delusions of grandeur are working in full throttle. I feel like I am the most influential blogger around. Finally it's "手拖手," a much more palatable description. I can hold my food down in the stomach without throwing up, my keyboard is finally safe. But in balance or while dropping the cringe-inducing "ten fingers entwined tight," the caption writer decided to reduce and belittle, in my mind, the guy to a "亨亨." Maybe it's a new way to be affectionate to the rich and famous, but I am old school I think in most cases it's more of a put down, treating him like a baby or an imbecile buffoon as if he can't comprehend any adult speak. Maybe that just suits him well.

Part I, and II.

News From The Far Side II

嘉亨新婚日夜纏綿

李嘉欣與許晉亨愛得癡纏，十指緊扣拖到實，忙了一天依然容光煥發。

Headline, caption and picture copy-and-pasted from Mingpao online edition.

So here we go, the 十指緊扣 again. Come on now. It's a passe. Give the readers something new, something better than "十指緊扣."

The headline is tabloid-y enough, the implication is they have sex day and night . . . fuck like rabbits. And the caption goes on to say they were busy all day but still looking fresh. Man what a great looking couple.

But please no more 十指緊扣 anymore. I can't stand it any more. I just puked all over my keyboard again.

While the world is financially shattered and gradually coming to an end, the rich and famous are having sex all day and all night . . . . Man, it's good to be rich.

News from the far side.

News From The Far Side

明艷照人的李嘉欣穿著粉紅色長裙，與官仔骨骨的許晉亨全程在花車上十指緊扣，恩愛非常

Picture and caption copy-and-pasted from mingpao online edition.

I can't funtion as a blogger if you were to pry my ctrl c and v keys from my notebook.

Whenever and wherever I see "十指緊扣" I can't help but throw up all over.  I seriously challenge the Hong Kong tabloid to use something else, it's about time, come on now.  Give us something other than "十指緊扣."  Oop, I puked again just now.  All over my keyboard.

While the world as we know it crashes and burns in this financial clusterfuck, the rich and famous reminds us that they are not only different but seriously better than the rest of us.  Eat your heart out people.

News from the far side II.

Edison Chen Gave Unreserved Apology

The shitstorm that is called Photogate reached another new crest when accidental porn star Edison Chen returned Hong Kong and held a news conference on February 21, mainly to apologize and to ask for forgiveness. The press conference has the potential to salvage his flattering image, or further plummet his career to the point of no return. Through out the press event, Edison Chen was in his best behavior, delivering his career best on-screen performance (hmmm, I didn't see his porn performance, so I don't know), that's worthy of an Oscar nomination in either the documentary or drama category depending on what you want to believe.

The following transcript is cut-and-pasted from a post by 14K Guy here:-

Today I have come back to Hong Kong to stand before you and account for myself. I have never escaped from my responsibility. During the past few weeks, I have been with my mother and my family and my loved ones to show support and care and at the same time to have them support and care for me.

I admit that most of the photos being circulated on the Internet were taken by me. But these photos are very private and have not been shown to people and are never intended to be shown to anyone. These photos were stolen from me illegally and distributed without my consent.

There is no doubt whoever obtained these photos have them uploaded on the Internet with malicious and deliberate intent. This matter has deteriorated to the extent that society as a whole has been affected by this. In this regard, I am deeply saddened. I would like now to apologize to all the people for all the suffering that has been caused and the problems that have arisen from this. I would like to apologize to all the ladies and to all their families for any harm or hurt that they have been feeling. I am sorry.

I would like to also apologize to my mother and my father for the pain and suffering I have caused them during the past few weeks. Most importantly, I would like to say sorry to all the people of Hong Kong. I give my apology sincerely to you all, unreservedly and with my heart.

I know young people in Hong Kong look up to many figures in our society. And in this regard, I have failed. I failed as a role model. However, I wish this matter will teach everyone a lesson. To all the young people in our community, let this be a lesson for you all. This is not an example to be set for you.

During my time away, I have made an important decision. I will whole-heartedly fulfill all commitments that I have to date. But after that, I decided to step away from the Hong Kong entertainment industry. I have decided to do this to give myself an opportunity to heal myself and to search my soul. I will dedicate my time to charity and community work within the next few months. I will be away from Hong Kong entertainment industry indefinitely. There is no time frame.

I have been assisting the police since the first day the photos were published and I will continue to assist them. After this press con., I have obligation to help them with their investigation and hope that this case can end soon as everyone I think has the same wish.

I would like to use this opportunity to thank the police for their hard work on this case. Thank you. I believe everyone's priority now (and) my priority now is to stop the suffering and pain, for not letting this...we do not want to let this situation become more out of control. We need to protect all the innocents and all the young from matters like this. In this regard, I have instructed my lawyers to do everything possible within the law to protect all the innocents, victims of this case. I believe that a press statement is being issued as we speak on what my lawyers have advised me to do.

Lastly, I would like to thank everyone for coming here today and listening to what I have to say. I would like to also apologize once again to all the ladies and their families, my family and to everyone in Hong Kong and everyone in our society. I am deeply saddened by this. And I apologize to everyone (who) has to go through this. I would like to also thank you for giving me this opportunity to say what I have wanted to say all along in my heart.

I hope, after today, I can have your forgiveness. With regard to this case, with everything, everything that has happened, I am deeply sorry. I hope you all accept my apology and give me a chance.
Thank you.

In the entire conference, he felt "saddened" twice, "sorry" three times, and most importantly "apologize"d or offered his "apology" unreservedly a whopping seven times. Chen also says he "will be away from Hong Kong entertainment industry indefinitely. There is no time frame." This has been translated by some Chinese media as quitting show business forever. I think "away indefinitely" is purposely vague and still leaves room for his return. Judging from his news conference performance, a Mingpao poll, and the Golden reaction (read mob reaction), I think he does stand a chance of coming back. As for now, his fans can only hope for his Batman cameo not ending up on the cutting room floor.(Wow, what's with this Batman thing now that I think about it. Heath Ledger died and Edison is on a career ending trajectory.) As to his news conference attire, I think he was a tad under dressed. I would like to see him in full armor: dark colored two buttoned suit, white shirt and solid colored tie. Nothing fancy or chic. The hair was appropriate though.

Meanwhile for meaningful coverage of this event, please stay away from any local print coverage or my blog.

UPDATE:
Whatever public sympathy and understanding Chen earned from his press conference, the cops blew away. The department mobilized an unprecedented number of policemen to cordon off Chen's ride from the press corps after the news conference. Once again proving or giving the impression that the rich and famous are just not like you and me.

Deep News Analysis Not For The Faint Of Heart

This is the only news analysis regarding the recent Photogate that's worth reading. On the backlash of being good looking and articulate in English (in a mostly Cantonese speaking metropolitan society), my commenter Vincent has this to say:

I just learned that Mr Chen has some Portugese blood. His grandfather or great grandfather was Portugese. His success with women had prompted me to study this case as a social phenomenom (sic). In the immediate future, I think there will be a backlash against all those English speaking, tall good-looking guys with a touch of Western blood. Middle-aged, balding, full-blooded Cantonese guys like vl, wp and sk are going to enjoy a rebound.

Vincent

You know a comment this good deserves a separate post in the baddest blog.

Let there be hope. May the middle-aged-shit-faced balding guy be the new Casanova. As long as there are still silly and naive girls out there, there are hopes.

From Salacious Images to Free-Speeches

The New York Times, the "all the news that's fit to print" newspaper has Photogate on C3, the World Business section, above the fold featuring a 7.5 x 5 inch picture of the Photogate news conference held by Gillian Chung and another picture showing a handsome Edison Chen beaming, apparently promoting his Hollywood movie Grudge 2 from a happier day.

The story has nothing to add to the discussion. However if you can't get enough of the story or simply just want to see how coverage of the story from a NY paper, feel free to check out the article written by Keith Bradsher with additional reporting by Hilda Wang.

Internet Sex Video Case Stirs Free-Speech Issues in Hong Kong

UPDATE:
This event has been officially declared international already, that is by me. Now both sides of the Atlantic carry this news. The Guardian is putting it under News>World News>China (not as crazy as the New York Times which has it filed under World Business), and according to the web edition, it's the 4th most read article, just a notch above Danish papers reprint Muhammed cartoons. Sex still trumps cartoons.

UPDATE (2/15/08):
Not to be outdone by all the news that fits to print, the WSJ is latching on the Photogate scandal that has been rocking the Chinese speaking societies for weeks. Again, the original pictures are too hot for WSJ to handle and the article doesn't add anything that hasn't been discussed before except to the extent that WSJ does include parodies of the incident in the supplementary slide show.